Fireproof Your Marriage: He Said, She Said

As I mentioned before, we are participating in the Fireproof Your Marriage study with our Life Group. We meet every two weeks, so it is going to take us a bit to go through the study, but I like having two weeks to focus on each lesson. The first week was titled, "He Said, She Said," and we talked about the difference in the needs of men and women. Men need respect from their wives and women need love from their husbands. We went through some examples and chose the ones that made us feel the most respected and loved and then shared our feelings with each other.

It was nice to discuss this around the group and to hear different perspectives. Although Blake does not always communicate his feelings one-on-one with me, I heard him say several things during the group discussion that meant a lot to me. Our homework for week one involved some individual questions and then some couple discussion questions. First, we were encouraged to answer some questions as individuals. My questions related to Love, while Blake's related to respect. After we both answered our own questions, we shared our thoughts and feelings with each other. I knew that "everything" to Blake relates back to money. It does not matter what it is, Blake relates to it, looks at it, and bases his interpretation on its value or cost. I, on the other hand, don't look at the amount, but the value first. By value, I do not mean cost. I mean, how does it benefit us, how much enjoyment will be get out of it, how much do we like it, etc. Yes, the cost is important because if it is too much we can't get it, do it, etc. But, to Blake, the cost is really all that matters most of the time. That being said ... I learned that when I spend money, I sometimes show him disrespect. So, now, I am looking at it a different way and really trying to show him respect by spending wisely and not as often.

Love and connecting emotionally is most important to me. During the lessons we listed ways that our spouse could show love or respect to us that week. I listed things like ...

• Before you turn in for the night, help me to pick up the house, to get the kid's lunches made, and to prepare the family for the following day.
• Do something to help around the house without me asking you to do it.
• Volunteering to take one or both kids to school so that things are not so crazy in the mornings.
• Being "involved" with the daily, routine things around the house that I typically have to do on my own.

During our discussion, I reminded him of a comment that he had made the previous week. Blake was out of town for 3 days. During those three days, I stayed up until 1:00 and 2:00am each night working on a video. My days consisted of ... waking up, getting ready, going to work, getting food for the kids, coming home, and working on the video until I could not stay awake any longer. I did not pick-up anything around the house, do any dishes or laundry, or anything other than what was absolutely necessary. So, after 3 days, the house was a disaster. Blake came home from his trip, and the first thing he said was, "What happened here? It looks like something exploded!" My reply ... I normally pick up/clean up after everyone every day. I have not done that for the past three days.

Since our discussion and study for week one, we have both been working hard to show love and respect to each other. Blake is doing an awesome job! I feel like he is really a part of this household. He is helping around the house with dishes, laundry, picking up things, etc. It is awesome! My stress level has gone way down, and I don't feel irritated toward him or the kids because everyone is pitching in and helping out. I don't feel like I am trying to do everything alone anymore!

Even though the kids were a bit resistent to doing extra things and to being held to doing and finishing some extra household chores/duties, they have been much happier and more pleasant. Megan, who is typically negative and pessimistic, sent me a txt message yesterday telling me that she was having a wonderful day and that she was happy. That is HUGE!

I am LOVING the Fireproof Your Marriage couples study, and I look forward to gaining more insight and to walking through this study with Blake more and more each day.