A Bit Disconnected

I am feeling a bit disconnected these days. Generally, I feel as though I am doing a fairly good job at most things in my life. If I wasn't so "gold" and so critical of myself, I would probably think that I was doing a rather good job at most things in my life most of the time. But, for now, and for the past couple of weeks, I just don't feel as though I am measuring up.

"Measuring up to what?" you ask. I guess that is part of the problem. Measuring up to the high standards that I impose upon myself, the high expectations that those who know me expect of me (or so I "believe" they expect of me, maybe? probably?). I don't know. I just don't feel like I am doing my best at anything, yet I just can't seem to do or give anything more right now to get closer to my perceived best.

I know that I am frustrated with myself right now because I am not eating right, not exercising, because I have gained 6 lbs., and because I can't remember everything about everything like I used to be able to in the past. I have managed to make a bit dent in my laundry pile and to keep my house 95% picked up and orderly, and that is a huge improvement over the last several months. I also know (in my head) that I just need to pray, stay focused - maybe refocus - stop beating myself up, pray, stop being so critical of myself, pray, stopping worrying so much about what I am "not" doing/doing well and focus on what I "am" doing/doing well, and pray that God will show me very clearly and simply where I need to place my focus and the path that He has for my life.

Like I said, I "know" all of these things in my head, but there is a disconnection between my head and my heart that I need to get reconnected. Tomorrow is another day. Another opportunity for me to start again, and I pray that I will feel more confident, more connected.

I heard this song earlier today, and it has been on my mind ever since.