Fireproof Your Marriage: He Said, She Said

As I mentioned before, we are participating in the Fireproof Your Marriage study with our Life Group. We meet every two weeks, so it is going to take us a bit to go through the study, but I like having two weeks to focus on each lesson. The first week was titled, "He Said, She Said," and we talked about the difference in the needs of men and women. Men need respect from their wives and women need love from their husbands. We went through some examples and chose the ones that made us feel the most respected and loved and then shared our feelings with each other.

It was nice to discuss this around the group and to hear different perspectives. Although Blake does not always communicate his feelings one-on-one with me, I heard him say several things during the group discussion that meant a lot to me. Our homework for week one involved some individual questions and then some couple discussion questions. First, we were encouraged to answer some questions as individuals. My questions related to Love, while Blake's related to respect. After we both answered our own questions, we shared our thoughts and feelings with each other. I knew that "everything" to Blake relates back to money. It does not matter what it is, Blake relates to it, looks at it, and bases his interpretation on its value or cost. I, on the other hand, don't look at the amount, but the value first. By value, I do not mean cost. I mean, how does it benefit us, how much enjoyment will be get out of it, how much do we like it, etc. Yes, the cost is important because if it is too much we can't get it, do it, etc. But, to Blake, the cost is really all that matters most of the time. That being said ... I learned that when I spend money, I sometimes show him disrespect. So, now, I am looking at it a different way and really trying to show him respect by spending wisely and not as often.

Love and connecting emotionally is most important to me. During the lessons we listed ways that our spouse could show love or respect to us that week. I listed things like ...

• Before you turn in for the night, help me to pick up the house, to get the kid's lunches made, and to prepare the family for the following day.
• Do something to help around the house without me asking you to do it.
• Volunteering to take one or both kids to school so that things are not so crazy in the mornings.
• Being "involved" with the daily, routine things around the house that I typically have to do on my own.

During our discussion, I reminded him of a comment that he had made the previous week. Blake was out of town for 3 days. During those three days, I stayed up until 1:00 and 2:00am each night working on a video. My days consisted of ... waking up, getting ready, going to work, getting food for the kids, coming home, and working on the video until I could not stay awake any longer. I did not pick-up anything around the house, do any dishes or laundry, or anything other than what was absolutely necessary. So, after 3 days, the house was a disaster. Blake came home from his trip, and the first thing he said was, "What happened here? It looks like something exploded!" My reply ... I normally pick up/clean up after everyone every day. I have not done that for the past three days.

Since our discussion and study for week one, we have both been working hard to show love and respect to each other. Blake is doing an awesome job! I feel like he is really a part of this household. He is helping around the house with dishes, laundry, picking up things, etc. It is awesome! My stress level has gone way down, and I don't feel irritated toward him or the kids because everyone is pitching in and helping out. I don't feel like I am trying to do everything alone anymore!

Even though the kids were a bit resistent to doing extra things and to being held to doing and finishing some extra household chores/duties, they have been much happier and more pleasant. Megan, who is typically negative and pessimistic, sent me a txt message yesterday telling me that she was having a wonderful day and that she was happy. That is HUGE!

I am LOVING the Fireproof Your Marriage couples study, and I look forward to gaining more insight and to walking through this study with Blake more and more each day.

Another Remodeling Project

For a few years now, we have wanted to ripped out wooden stair rails and replace them with wrought-iron. Well, we finally did it. The night before the new rails were to be installed, we had the opportunity to kick out a few of the spindles. Connor really got into it - kicking out half a dozen spindles with his karate type kicks. Megan and I joined in on the fun a bit, too.

Chip and his guys came in and tore out the remaining rails and spindles and replaced them with new ones. Soon, we will stain the new oak rails and treads the same color as the wood floors. But for now, we are enjoying the raw wood and the beautiful new wrought-iron spindles with alternating basket design.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

The Two Year Project

Two years ago this month, we did some work on our kitchen. We ripped out the white Formica builder-grade counter tops, white tile back splash, the white porcelain sink, and chrome and white faucet and replaced them with granite counter tops, a slate back splash, a black granite sink, and brushed nickel fixtures. A few weeks later, I decided to upgrade the battered cabinets by painting them.

Now I don't mind painting. I have painted the entire interior of my home, and I'm sure that I will be doing it again in the not so distant future. But, painting cabinets is NOT the same as painting the walls of a room or even painting the baseboards. Paint the cabinets was initially a project that I was excited about tackling, but it quickly became a project that made me feel defeated.

You see, I started out by sanding them. The first few weren't too bad, but then ... the sanding bits gets old - especially when you try to get into the crooks and indentions of the cabinet face. Next, came the painting. I found a beautiful dark brown paint that complimented the new granite and back splash, so I began to paint. Blake was not too hip on the Safari Brown paint, and nor were a few other friends that came over to visit. So, after a few days, I began to strip and sand the cabinets and draws that I have primed and painted.

So, it was back to the local hardware store for more paint swatches. After going through swatches and looking through magazines, I decided to try some experimentation. So, I purchased a pretty golden yellow paint, painted the inside or a couple of doors, painted the Safari Brown over the top, and applied a crackle paint. Well, Blake hated that more than the plain brown, and I was pretty sure that I would not be able to get the crackle effect to look right in the curves and indentions on the faces of the cabinet doors. Once again, I was back to square one and had no idea what I was going to do with these cabinets.

A while later, I visited a friend's home. They had dark counter tops and stark white cabinets. That was it. I would just paint them white. I purchased white paint and proceeded to paint two cabinets doors. I disliked them instantly, but I had no idea what I wanted to do with them or really how to do it.

We were having company, so I reattached the cabinet doors so that everyone would not have to look at the contents of my cabinets. And so the cabinets remained ... for the next 18 months or so. A few were sanded down to the raw wood, a few were painted Safari Brown, a few were painted white, and a few were partially painted/partially sanded, and I just ignored them. People would come over and ask which one we were going with (which color, etc.), and we would tell them the story. I really thought that I wanted to paint all of the lower cabinets Safari Brown, but I just felt so defeated by the failed attempts that the project became an impossibility for me, and I hated it when Blake would talk about the "unfinished cabinets" because I just felt like a failure.

Well, this week, Blake and I met for lunch and made a plan. We talked about the projects that needed to be done around the house and how we were going to get them done. The number one project on Blake's list ... the cabinets. This time, instead of saying, "when are YOU going to get the cabinets painted?" he said, "Friday night, we are painting the cabinets." Instantly, the cabinet painting project did not seem so impossible because I was no longer having to face it alone.

Friday after work, I went to the hardware store, purchased new paint brushes and primer, came home, and got to work. Blake and I, with a little help from the kids, were able to prime the section of the cabinets that I had started working on. We decided that instead of attacking all of the lower cabinets, we would focus on the one section. This seemed doable.

Saturday morning, after Connor's 8am soccer game, we made another visit to Lowe's to purchase a gallon of Safari Brown paint, and then headed home to paint! After finishing all that we could on the initial section, we decided to continue around the kitchen. We primed all of the lower cabinets and then proceeded to paint them.

We have a few touch-ups to make, and some tea stain and varnish to apply, but the project is close to being complete, and I no longer feel defeated by my unpainted cabinets! We had our Life Group over this evening, and everyone commented on how beautiful our home was. I feels great to have accomplished and almost completed such a huge project, and I am so appreciative that Blake encouraged me and worked along side me this weekend to get this project done.

We still have several projects on our To-Do list, but I know that we will tackle them together so that neither of us feels alone or defeated.

Kitchen Cabinets

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Bottom Braces

Megan has had her upper braces for a few months now. Today, they put braces on her bottom teeth. Although she was not at all excited about them, she did much better today than she did when they put the upper braces on.

Just as they did the first time, the brackets were pre-set on a mold of Megan's teeth. The attendant cleaned her lower teeth with special cleaners, dried them, and prepared them for the bracket application. She carefully applied glue to the center of each of the lower teeth and then pressed the blue mold and brackets into place. After two minutes, she began to gently peel the flexible blue mold away, exposing the newly glued brackets on her lower teeth. After checking them all to ensure that they were properly placed and adhered, she inserted a wire and secured it with colored bands.

Megan will wear the upper and lower braces for about 12 more months, if all goes as planned. Here are a few pictures of the procedure.

Valentine's Day

Our Valentine's Day began with an early morning soccer game, a trip to the grocery store, and then lots of cooking. I made two lasagna's - one for us and one for a neighboring family - and an enchilada casserole. So, we have a few meals ready for us, and that is good.

Our afternoon was spent at Massage Envy. Blake purchased 1-hour massages for us for Valentine's Day. It was Heaven! An hour of blissful relaxation. My massage therapist talked a bit too much, but it was still a great massage. I don't know about you, but when I get a massage, I prefer to relax and drift in and out of my own thoughts and relaxation rather than talking to the massage therapist. Next time, I will ask for Miguel, Blake's Massage therapist, because he did not like to talk.

After church, Maureen and Scott came over for Valentine's dinner. We grilled steaks and enjoyed a great meal together before playing several rounds of Mexican Train.

It was a great Valentine's Day!

Soccer - Spring 2009

Connor's soccer team, the Tornados, had their first game of the Spring 2009 season on Saturday. It was an early game, 8am, on a very cold morning. We awoke early, bundled ourselves up, and headed for the soccer field. The pre-game family time was not so positive. Connor was not listening and was being rather disrespectful. I got a hold of him as we arrived at the soccer field and finally got his attention before sending him off to the soccer field to play the game.

Maybe it was his anger or maybe he just came to play, but whatever it was, it was terriffic! He played full back and forward during the game. As fullback, he defended his goal and kept the other team from scoring. As forward, he took control and did a great job dribbling and passing the ball down the field. The game was tied 2-2 when Connor got the ball, put his head down, and dribbled through the opponents field and scored a goal! It was an exciting moment.

As soon as he kicked the ball into the goal, he looked to the sideline to make sure that Blake and I were watching! We were so proud, smiled, and cheered him on. A bit later, Connor got the ball again, dribbled it down just in front of the goal where the opposing team cut him off, so he passed the ball to his teammate, and they scored! The game ended 4-2. What a great season opener!

If you are interested in joining us for a game, please email me, and I will send you Connor's schedule.

Living in the Margin

I heard a quote tonight at Bible study that has really been on my mind ever since.

"If Satan can't make you bad, he'll make you busy."

I just started thinking of the times that I have gotten too busy cleaning, preparing, organizing, shuttling, etc. to get to or prepare for an event only to be so tired when I arrived or so worried/stressed about the outcome of the event that I didn't stop to "be" at the event and to enjoy it. How many times have I put off quiet time or completed my week long Bible study in one afternoon because I was too busy to do it throughout the week? How many times have I allowed Satan to win because I have been too busy to stop and focus on what is really important?

Wow! Beginning today, I am praying for margin - for time in my day, outside of the routine and the everyday mundane duties, to be cognicient of opportunities to show Christ to others and to be aware of the truly important things in my life.